A GOP three-way tie to nowhere
There are more pigs than people living in Iowa so does that mean Iowa's results have turned it into a three-way race? (photo: treehugger.com)
Months and months of media hype, incessant talking-head blather and tens-of-millions of dollars spent and what do we get? Nothing? A virtual tie. A no-decision. And even then, it’s nothing more than a straw vote. What’s it all for?
Who needs Iowa – not the corn and pigs (more pigs than people in Iowa) – but the Iowa Caucus and all its uselessness? Unless, of course, you’re in the media business and it’s a huge boom to the bottom line and Iowa’s economy. What would a CNN, Fox News and the thousands of reporters do if there were no Iowa Caucus? Maybe report on something of real value? I know, I know, the primaries are a political vetting process that weeds out the good from the bad, the winners from the losers. Except, here’s a news flash. If you’ve been paying just a little bit of attention to the media tsunami (can’t avoid it) and have a reasoned definition of what qualifies as a viable presidential candidate, then you’ve known for months that there wasn’t a winner in the whole bunch. Not one. And you certainly didn’t need the Iowa Caucus to tell you that. Or Wolf Blitzer, Chris Wallace or Brian Williams.
Here are the highlights – after months of drivel
Eight vote win and still a loser (photo: Colburn_ZUMa Press)
Romney: He got 8 votes more than Santorum. That’s a .0003% majority. Hardly bragging rights. That’s a thin enough margin that some as-yet-unannounced candidate could squeeze into the race (god forbid, not “The Donald” or Sarah). It could be theirs for the taking because it’s obvious that nobody wants any of these characters. Do you fecken’ believe it (DYFBI)? That a GOP presidential nominee can qualify with only 25% of the party thinking he’s good enough? Oh sure, at the convention they may drag more of the unwilling delegates into the Romney camp but they’re only moving there to vote against Obama, not for Romney. And this is the guy’s second run at it. It’s like voting for Dennis Rodman to be MVP of the NBA. Only in America.
Eight vote loss and still a loser. (Photo: thinkprogress.org)
Santorum: His acceptance speech started with “Game on.” You’ve got to be kidding? He’s been on the fringes of this whole circus until now and because he came within eight votes of a guy who can’t whip up enough votes to win, he thinks the game is on. The game is over Rick. Wearing a sweater vest and driving a pick up truck across Iowa does not qualify you for anything, let alone the Oval Office. Unless of course, you’re in it to be a kingmaker and get a cushy cabinet post, be a Fox talk show host, write a book and lead prayer meetings at an Iowa evangelical church. BTW, Santorum is the guy who said, “I don’t want to make black people’s lives better by giving them somebody else’s money; I want to give them the opportunity to go out and earn the money.” And worse, he said it in Iowa, where the racial distribution of food stamps is 9% to blacks and 84% to whites. Sounds like bigoted stupidity, not leadership. Of course, Rick could have won Iowa ifJim Bob Duggar’s kids could have voted for him. That’s Jim Bob Duggar of 19 Kids and Counting fame. Never heard of it? Me either. But apparently it’s a TV show somewhere. Jim Bob’s family is
(continued) a conservative Christian clan from Arkansas and twelve of the 19 Duggar children were with their dad campaigning for Santorum (mother probably stayed home to rest). If only they could have slipped the kids into the voting booth – twelve more votes and presto, a new four-vote leader. Or they could have prayed for a miracle. Rick, leave Jim Bob and the clan in Iowa, they won’t play well in the east.
Does he have enough for a third party run? Because this party won't accept him. (photo: arrastao.com)
Paul: Third? Wow! Iowa likes their Libertarian. Or is it more like every person under the age of twenty-five likes Ron Paul’s Libertarian ideas – practical or not. Paul’s youth support is indicative of his popularity among college-aged voters. Do the young people see in Ron Paul what they saw in Barack Obama four years ago – hope for something different, anything? Paul, like Obama, is also attracting new voters and independents. He drew hundreds of out-of-state college students who paid their own way to Iowa in support of their hero. The New York Times reported that once these young people arrived they stayed in special camps and were “under strict orders” to “look, dress, shave, sound and behave in a way that would not jeopardize Mr. Paul’s chances. That meant no boozing, no visible tattoos, and no scraggy beards.” No OWS images wanted. Entrance polls showed that 38% of caucus voters had never voted in a GOP caucus before and more than 1/3 voted for Paul. Of registered independents, 48% voted for Paul with only 16% voting for Romney. Is Ron Paul a sizeable movement or simply different enough to be the lesser of available evils?
Newt "Glass jaw" Gingrich. Down for the count? (photo: inquisitr.com)
Gingrich: Newt’s looking more and more like a fighter who can’t take a punch and gets pissed off in the middle of the battle. And they think this guy can face Putin, Ahmadinejad, Netanyahu and the new kid from North Korea. He got hit with Romney’s $4.6 million advertising punch in Iowa and when the other candidates piled on another $6 million, he never got up off the floor. But, of course, he’s continuing in the race. Why not, he still might be able to stand up in this shallow end of the presidential pool. Or at least move on to get more money as a lobbyist – that’s where all losers go. But he needs to stop whining, stop being pissed off and stop talking like a Washington consultant versus a potential president. Besides, who, other than lobbyists and Fannie Mae, would hire him?
Rick, "three" means three strikes and you're out. So does "Oops." (photo: blog.chron.com)
Perry: Why won’t this cowboy ride off into the sunset, quietly? Is it because he rode into this herd of cattle as a cocky, tough talking Texas Governor (had one of them before), who spoke of prayer and miracle working and called Ben Bernake a traitor. It now seems as if he’s still praying, and still waiting to rise again. Ain’t gonna happen, even if he waits until Easter. In Iowa, he met his Waterloo – in Waterloo and Ames and Davenport and Cedar Rapids and Sioux City and …. Rick, it’s over, go home to Texas, get on a horse and go to church. And like you proposed for Congress, become a part time, or no time, politician. Actually, most of us knew it was over soon after he started, certainly after the debate when he mentioned the three things he was going to change, “… let’s see, one, two … uh … oops …” and forgot.
"Michele ... Sarah here. Now that ya' got some time, wanna get ta'gether for a little tea and huntin'?"(photo: reason.com)
Bachmann: She’s gone. And not soon enough. What a waste of our time and millions of donated dollars. But alas, she’ll be back soon on Fox News and probably a bus tour with Sarah Palin.
"Major" and the rest of the largest segment of the population said, "Thank god they're gone." (photo: mrwriteon.wordpress.com)
Iowa turnout: The voter turnout in Iowa might be the only good news. It was low. About the same as four years ago but bolstered by more independents this time. And compared to the 2010 Republican gubernatorial primary turnout (226,956) and the last Democrat turnout in Iowa (over 200,000), this caucus was feeble, only drawing about 120,000. The good news in that is that most people have seen through this media driven charade. And “Major” and the other pigs on Animal Farm have also seen the farce.
What’s next? Unfortunately, more of the same – too much more. On the slightly brighter side, this vaudeville show of wannabe actors, pretending to be qualified, will end its run in about four months.
